ประเดิมด้วยเรื่องนี้ก้อแล้วกันนะครับ .... อิ อิ�
� �;)
Confession from Khun Too's secretary. She says "My boss is so sex-crazed. Everytime he comes into the office, I must do the LAPTOP position, and then the DESKTOP position, followed by the SPREADSHEET format. I must LOAD UP his SOFT DISK into a HARD DISK, so that he can INSERT in my C DRIVE and then the A DRIVE.
Then he'll ask me to EJECT his SOFTWARE outside my C DRIVE so that he is VIRUS FREE.
Then he changes his mind and decides to ENTER, ENTER, ENTER the whole day till he is in MICROSOFT stage. Once I tried to ESC (escape) but he caught me and SHIFTED me to his HOME where he started pressing BACKSPACE, and said 'TURNOVER"
Today, many a times he works without CAPSLOCK (without "cap" or "helmet" ) and sometimes as an ALTernative he CRASHES @ my SYSTEM until he looses his
CTRL (control) and again he LOGS IN....This process may continue until I SHUT DOWN his MAIN SYSTEM.
Real CowboyAn old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked him,
"Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am."
She said,
"I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women." A little while later, a couple sat down next to the old cowboy and asked him,
"Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied,
"I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
VIAGRA'S SIDE EFFECTS An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husband's sex drive.
"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.
"Not a chance" says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."
"No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how everything went."
A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how her love life has been.
"Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor."
"What happened?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible."
"What was terrible?" said the doctor, "Was the sex not good?"
"Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, ......
......but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again. " โดยคุณ Jokesmonster� เสาร์ที่ 26 ต.ค. 45 (11:30 น.)�
Gorilla on the Roof As he was quietly watching television at home, a chap hears a sound on the roof of his house and rushes out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home he promptly calls up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped.
He is reassured that a gorilla recovery unit is on the way and is told to remain calm.
A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulls up to the house.
The elderly driver proceed to recover from the back of the truck, a chihuaha dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat and a 12 gauge shotgun.
Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla who had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap ask him how he will go about doing this.
As he hands him over the .12 gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explains the plan:
- First I'll climb up there with the ladder;
- Then I approach the gorilla and knock him off the roof using the baseball bat;
- As soon as the gorilla hits the ground, the specially trained chihuaha dog will attack its private parts;
- When I get back on the ground, the gorilla will have lowered it's hands to it's groin area to protect itself thus making it easy for me to slip on the handcuffs;
- Then, I lead him to the truck, lock him up and take him back to the zoo...
Amazed at the procedure, the somewhat startled house owner, 'asks why he was handed the 12 gauge shotgun?
"Well... " explains the experienced gorilla retriever,
" It's just a precaution should thing not go exactly as planned.
In the unlikely event that once on the roof the gorilla knocks me off with the baseball bat -
Shoot the dog...
โดยคุณ Jokesmonster เสาร์ที่ 26 ต.ค. 45 (11:08 น.)
Substance: Woman
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
Workplace Hazardous Materials Information System
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Substance: Woman
Manufacturer: God
Typical Size: Average weight 115 lbs.; specimens can vary from 90 to over 200 lbs.
Occurrence: Large quantities found in urban areas and shopping malls.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
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1. Surface Tension--soft and warm.
2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced.
3. Boils at nothing.
4. Freezes without reason.
5. Melts with special reason.
6. Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.
7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to common ore.
8. Yields to pressure applied to specific points.
9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.
10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance to reproduce with marked physical and mental changes.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
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1. Has affinity for gold, silver, and precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. Highly volatile for reasons not clearly understood.
4. Verbal activity greatly increased by alcohol saturation.
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known (See HAZARDS, #3)
COMMON USES:
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1. Highly ornamental.
2. Relatively brief exposure can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Pleasurable companion until legally owned.
SUBSTANCE VERIFICATION:
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1. Pure specimen turns bright pink when observed in natural state.
2. Turns green when compared to better specimen.
HAZZARDS:
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1. May explode spontaneously without cause.
2. Illegal to possess more than one specimen at a time.
3. Avoid specimen contact with plastic credit cards: Normal
โดยคุณ Jokesmonster เสาร์ที่ 26 ต.ค. 45 (11:09 น.)�
